Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. 
Maria: This is it. 
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? 
Class: Maria did. 
Submitted by: Kmankoolman


A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman. 
Submitted by: Anonymous


What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).

  • Telegram
  • Telephone
  • Tell a woman

Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle. 
Submitted by: Dave & Brendan 


"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.
"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?". 
Submitted by: Ugur Yavuzturk

 


When I was young I didn't like going to weddings.
My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals. 
Submitted by: Chris Fisher


A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?! 
Submitted by: Genti Biraci


A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute." 
Submitted by: Freshteh Sadeghi


Fred is 32 years old and he is still single. 

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" 

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." 

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." 

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" 

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." 

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" 

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."


An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

Submitted by: Willaim Greaves


Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player? 

She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin. 

(Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball and coach have double meanings.) 
Submitted by: Jillian H.


Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". 
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. 
Submitted by: Monirul Hassan


Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark." 
Submitted by: Tshifhiwa Rambau


Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner? 
A: A stamp.


The First 3 Years of Marriage

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.


The teacher speaking to a student said, "Saud, name two pronouns." 
Saud who suddenly woke up, said, "Who, me?"

Submitted by: Abu Jouri


Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it? 
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

Submitted by: Abu Jouri

 



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