cool funny jokes

Santa: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?

Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.


2 Haryanvi men were searching for their lost wife in a festival at Hissar city.

First Haryanvi:  How does your wife look like?

Second Haryanvi: She is 5'7", 36-24-36 sexy figure; fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair... And yours?

First Haryanvi: Forget mine; let us look for yours...


A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl.

Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday.

Sardar Doctor asked: WHY??

Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!


Santa has to sell his dog. Banta wants to buy it.

Banta: Is this dog faithful?

Santa: Yes, I have sold it 3 times earlier also. It is so faithful, every time it returned back to me.


My sweet girlfriend had habit of biting her fingernails. She started doing YOGA to treat the problem. Soon her finger-nails started growing normally.

Seeing this, I asked if yoga had totally cured her problem.

"No," she replied with a funny sweet smile, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."


A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me... They must be gods!

A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me...
I must be a god!


Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, clean ing home and washing clothes.

Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.



A Very Funny beautiful girl was a college student.

Once Very Funny Girl comes late to class.

Teacher: Why are you late?

Very Funny Girl : One boy was following me, sir.

Teacher: So, What?

Very Funny Girl: That boy was walking very slow.


Santa asks Priest: Why did god make women so beautiful?

Priest: So that you will love them.

Santa thinks for a short time...

Santa: But why did God make them so dumb?

Priest: So that they will love you.


Santa & Banta got tired using mobile cell phones. For a change, they decided to use pigeons to send sweet messages. And this hilarious scheme worked very fine.

One day Santa sends his pigeon.

Banta sees, the pigeon is without any message. He picks his mobile and asks Santa: The pigeon is without any sweet message.

Santa: Oye khotey, that was a missed call.


Museum Watchman: That's a 500 year old statue you have broken.

Funny Sharma: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.


Sardar Ji: Why have you increased speed of car?

Laloo: Break has failed. We should reach home before accident.



Santa was weeping at a grave, "Why did you die? Why did you die? Your death ruined my life."

Banta: For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? Wife? or Girlfriend ?

Santa: My wife’s first husband.


Husband:  I want divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.

Lawyer: Think about it once again. Wives like that are hard to get!


American Girl: When my grandfather died he left 10 million dollars.

Indian Girl: When my grandfather died he left 20 million dollars.

Pakistani Girl: That’s nothing, When my grandfather died he left the whole world.


Sardarji saw two Pakistani workers in Karachi. One of them dig a hole, and the other guy immediately fill it with soil again. They repeated the work again and again.

Sardarji couldn’t understand their job. He asked the Pakistanis about it.

Paki Worker replied: The third guy who plants the trees in holes is on leave today, & we are doing our duty.



Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner.

Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal.

Funny Husband: I know all that.

Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?

Funny Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.



Patient: I have swallowed a key.

Sardar Doctor: When?

Patient: 3 months back!

Sardar Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Patient: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.


First Kid: Once when I was playing on a road, a speeding bike hit me and I fell down on the earth unconsciously.

Second Kid: Oh my God! Did you survive that accident or you died.

First Kid: I don’t remember exactly, I was only 3 yeas old at that time



A newly wed Nigger wife talks to her husband.

Nigger Wife: Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?

Nigger Husband: How can I? I don't even know her.



An old Nigger buys hearing aids from a doctor.

Doctor: Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased.

Nigger: Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around them and listen to their conversations. In a month, I’ve changed my will three times!



After becoming the CM of Bihar, Laalu ji decides to pose for a picture along with a herd of buffaloes with his elbows resting on the back of the cattle.

Next day the photo appears in
a newspaper with caption:

"Laalu ji, third from left".


A Kid calls the Help Desk to complain a computer problem.

Kid: When I type computer password, it just shows star star star star. Whatz the joke?

Help Desk: Dear kid, those stars are to protect you, so that if a person standing behind, he can't read your password.

Kid: Yeah, but stars appear even when there is no one standing behind me.


Funny Blonde man was filling up an application form for a job.

He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.

Then Blonde man came to the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK.

Clerk told him to write either MALE or FEMALE.

Again Funny Blonde man thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES


A Teacher lecturing on population:
In India after every 10 seconds, a women gives birth to a kid.

Lalu stands up: We must find & stop her.



A rich Sardarji needed blood for his heart surgery.

He got it from a poor Bania.

Sardarji gave him 5 million dollars. Once again the Sardar needed blood for surgery.

Bania was more than happy to donated blood again. This time, Sardar just gave him a Cadburies Chocolate. Bania asked the reason.

Sardar: Now I also have Bania blood in my body.


A Russian ship was sinking.

Captain: Does any one know how to pray?

An Indian priest (pandit) comes forward and says he can pray.

Captain: Ok priest, you pray; Everyone else in ship will wear a life jacket. We are short of one.


Blonde Wife: Look a thief has entered our kitchen and he is eating the cake I prepared.

Annoyed Husband: Whom should I call now, Police or Ambulance...?!



Two short men were sitting inside a hospital.

First short man was crying loudly.

Second short man asked "Why”?

First short man: They will cut my finger for medical blood test.

Hearing this second short man started crying even louder.

First short man asked "Why”?

Second short man: I have come for my urine test.


Laloo and his wife Rabri were angry with each other and were not talking to each other.

Laloo left a note on Rabri's bedside table that said: "Dear Wife! Awake me at 5 am tomorrow."

Next morning, Laloo awoke at 8 am and saw a note on his bedside table: "Dear Husband It's 5 O' Clock, get up.


School Kid: Why are some of your hair white mom?

Mom: Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hair turns white.

Funny Kid thought for a moment, and then said, "Mamma, how come *all* of grandma’s hair are white?”

A Pakistani army soldier walks into his officer's room.

To impress him, the army office picks the phone, dials a number and said "Yes sir, I understand sir. I will tell the Prime Minister. Goodbye."

Looking at the soldier he barked "What do you want?"
"Nothing sir." he replied. "I just came to install your telephone."


Little boy: Aunty, what is inside your stomach?

Pregnant Lady: It's a cute little baby.

Little Boy: If it is cute, why did u eat it? 



Santa: What is the difference between “complete and finish”?

Banta: When you marry a right person you arecomplete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished!!!!!



A Gujarati decides to study English. He learns an essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam an essay on 'FATHER' comes.

He replaced friend with father in the essay. It read:

I am a very fatherly person, I have many fathers. Some of my fathers are male and some are female. I have a new neighbor; I wish to make him my new father.



Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give
5 to Priya,
3 to Sonia and 
2 to Neha
then what will u get???? 

Kid: 3 New Girlfriends Mam!!!


A young man was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor.

A Sardar Ji came running.

Sardar Ji shouted: "Laloo, your daughter Sweety is badly injured in accident".

Not knowing what to do, the young man jumped from his office window in panic to go as-early-as-possible.

While coming down when he was near tenth floor, he remembered he had no daughter named Sweety.

When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.

When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Laloo.


There were two desi lovers: Lalu & Rabri. They loved each other so much that they planned to do Suicide.

Lalu jumped first.

Now it was Rabri's turn.

Rabri closed her eyes, and returned back saying Love is Blind.

Lalu, in mid-air opened his parachute saying Love never Dies.



A Nigger sent an SMS to his pregnant wife.

A couple of seconds later the Nigger received a report on his phone and he started to dance. The report said: "Delivered".



First Sardar Ji: What are the fastest means of communication?

Second Sardar Ji: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.



Santa: Why didn't you marry?

Banta: I was searching for an
ideal match.

Santa: So, you didn't find an ideal girl?

Banta: I found one.

Santa: Then?

Banta: She was also searching for an ideal match.



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